Perhaps one reason nothing happened on the anniversary of Tonka dying this year

I refuse to let go. Well, I might be starting to let go. But probably only because nothing seems to be happening. That is doesn’t feel like somebody is by me in bed.

So perhaps I won’t be crying till I’m dead after all.

Now stuff is possibly happening, the monitor likes waking itself up. Remember, I don’t know how to interact with the living, and especially not the dead. I should leave it on the Mac mini for longer, and see if it still wakes up. That’s actually the computer I noticed it happening on, the Mac mini. Then it started happening on the desktop.

I did hear a horrible sound some days ago, like somebody in distress, and male. It sounded like they were in the kitchen. So if that was from outside, that was loud as fuck. The window was open.

It sounded like some noises you’ll hear in The Blackwell Ghost, I think it was six. Yup six, the one that made me cry, or almost cry.

If it wasn’t coming from outside, I can guess it was my dad. I’m guessing he feels bad about having no relationship with me. But thinking about it, makes me feel bad too. I don’t think he should be in distress over it. My mom claims he’s a bad person, I don’t believe that though. She asked does being dead make you a better person. Well, it makes you realize a lot, after Tonka died, I realized a lot. Hmm, did I realize anything after Buddy died? Possibly not, I was just crying a lot.

I’ll probably realize a lot when I die. Or I won’t be conscious, and I’ll just be a baby again, with no memory of anything.

Oh and it’s also hot outside, when she was alive, she generally didn’t sleep right by me in the bed in the heat. But if it got really cold, she’d go up there. Apparently Tonka’s person isn’t going to wake up freezing. They are going to sleep a long time.

Published on: 2 September
Posted by: Tom